What Are Your Emotions Trying to Tell You? An Introduction to EFT

Understanding your emotions is the first step towards understanding yourself.

Have you ever wondered why you feel the way you do? Maybe you find yourself becoming frustrated over something that seems small, feeling anxious when things are uncertain, or becoming overwhelmed by sadness that you can’t quite explain. Sometimes, we can see our emotions as something we need to control, avoid or push away, especially when they feel uncomfortable. But what if our emotions are trying to tell us something? Emotions can provide important information about our experiences, needs and relationships, and learning to understand them can help us respond to ourselves in more helpful ways. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) explores the role emotions play in our lives and helps us develop a deeper understanding of what we are feeling and why.

What is emotion-focused therapy?

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) explores the idea that emotions are fundamentally adaptive and serve as vital guides for human experience, decision making, and growth. EFT suggests that emotions are necessary as they ‘move’ you into action and motivate behaviours in us that are intended to keep you safe and connected. EFT isn’t about simply ‘getting rid’ of difficult emotions. Instead, it helps us understand, process and respond to our emotions in healthier ways. 

Why are our emotions so important?

Our emotions act as vital biological signals that reveal our deepest needs, drive our actions, and guide personal healing. EFT looks at the deeper meaning behind emotions and what these feelings could mean we need. 

For example 

• Fear can alert us to danger or uncertainty 

• Anger can tell us something is unfair or that a boundary has been crossed 

• Sadness can signal loss or a need for comfort 

• Guilt can highlight when we can feel we have acted against our values 

• Joy and excitement can show us what matters most to us

Emotions aren’t always accurate, but they can still provide useful information. 

When emotions feel overwhelming?

Sometimes emotions can start to feel too intense, difficult to understand and hard to express. This can cause us to learn to avoid, suppress or disconnect from emotions particularly when they feel uncomfortable or overwhelming. However this tends to cause the distress to last longer. It is best to sit with these feelings to help build up distress tolerance and learn healthier coping mechanisms. 

How does EFT work?

Recognising Emotions 

• Learning to notice and identify what you’re feeling 

Understanding Emotions 

• Exploring what the emotion might be telling you about your needs, experiences or relationships

 Experiencing Emotions

• Allowing yourself to experience emotions rather than immediately pushing them away

Expressing Emotions

• Learning how to communicate emotions and needs in a healthy way 

Developing new emotional responses 

• Working towards healthier ways of responding when difficult emotions arise. 

What might EFT look like in therapy?

EFT is an active, experiential conversation where you and your psychologist slow down to explore the raw feelings hiding beneath your surface reactions. Your psychologist may help you:

• Explore situations that trigger strong emotional responses 

• Identify and name emotions 

• Notice how emotions show up physically 

• Understand patterns in emotional experiences 

• Explore underlying needs 

• Work through difficult emotional experiences 

• Develop more helpful ways of responding 

There is no right or wrong way to feel, EFT provides a safe space to explore these emotions at your own pace. 

Who can EFT help?

EFT can help individuals, couples and families process difficult feelings, resolve relationship distress and heal from psychological challenges. Some mental health concerns that EFT can help process are:

• Anxiety 

• depression/low mood

• Difficulties managing emotions

• Relationship difficulties 

• Low self-esteem 

• Grief and loss

• Stress

• Difficult or overwhelming life experiences 

What can you learn from EFT?

You learn to identify, accept, regulate and transform deep emotions rather than avoiding or numbing them. Some core skill/takeaways you will get from EFT are:

Emotional awareness

• you learn to tune into your physical body sensations and recognise the exact triggers that spark painful or hidden feelings. 

Unmet needs

• you discover the basic human needs like safety, validation, and love that lie beneath surface reactions like anger, lethargy, or anxiety. 

Self compassion

• you learn to silence harsh self-criticisms and replace toxic emotional patterns with self-acceptance

Emotional regulation

• you build practical tools to soothe intense distress without resorting to old coping behaviours like emotional eating or withdrawal 

Communication

• you learn how to express your vulnerabilities clearly to partners or family members to build secure loving bonds. 

When might it be helpful to seek support? 

You may find it useful to seek support when you find your emotions are:

• Interfering with your relationships, work or everyday life

• Feeling difficult to understand or manage 

• Leading you to withdraw or avoid situations 

• Causing ongoing stress

• Leaving you feeling stuck in the same place 

How can psychology help?

Psychology can provide a supportive, non judgemental space to better understand your emotional experiences and develop healthier ways of responding to them.